Mommy Artist Artist Mommy Pt. 1
I’m an artist and a mom of three kids, and just like anything else after becoming a parent, it has been hard at times to balance those two identities.
Back when my first two kids were born, I wasn’t making that much art. I think I saw it more as a hobby at that time and it felt like the only option was working a “real” job so that we could pay the bills. In 2017, my art was selling really well, so I decided to take the plunge and do it full time. My two kids were starting to be more independent, plus they were in school for a good part of the day and it just felt like everything would work out. I was 36 and finally following my dream! Nothing could stop me!
The week after I quit my job we took a family vacation. We had so much fun and everything was going so well. Soon we would be back home and I would start making art all day every day and life would be good. I sure was thirsty on this trip, though. And toward the end I was pretty nauseous and started to feel a feeling I’d felt before. Twice.
We got home and confirmed that I was pregnant with our third child.
After a moment of sheer panic, there was excitement and joy. We would work it out. It would all be ok. In fact, it’s a GOOD thing I quit my job because now I can enjoy my last pregnancy and take care of the baby. After a few months, our baby was born and she was amazing and healthy and that was all that mattered. Then, a week after she was born, my husband had a stroke. Our whole life became about raising healthy kids and keeping each other healthy. That was our only priority.
This is the part where I wish I could tell you I eventually started painting again, but what really happened is that I started homeschooling our kids and didn’t make a substantial amount of art again for another three years! When people asked me how my full time art business was doing, I lied and told them it was going well, when really it was gone sooner than it arrived.
I remember feeling a lot of resentment. Not toward my kids, but towards myself. I felt like I had failed. Nothing went as planned. I thought I could be a full time artist, but who was I kidding. Why had I convinced myself that this was doable? Now we were a one salary family struggling to pay our bills, and I was just waisting time, not making any money. I felt worthless.
Then the pandemic happened and it changed everything.
(Continued in Part 2)